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Step 1. Take the situation and play it over and over in your mind. Then stop. That won’t help. It will fill you with a zealotry that you were correct, and so, by default, the other person was wrong.  

Step 2. Play the argument from their side. Understand what the other person was trying to tell you. Not just the words they say, but how they say it and what they left unsaid. Listen for an emotion, an intention and plotline that was previously undetected. 

Step 3. Remember that you were both at fault. An argument is rarely one-sided. Recognise that their words have some truth. This but is hard. 

Step 4. Admit it to yourself, without a ‘but’ or an excuse, what you did wrong. That’s going to sting. Most people like to live in a childish cloud, a delusion, that they are always right and everyone else is at fault. But not you, not I. Admit that you were wrong.

Step 5. Now, if you’re strong enough, go and tell them that you understand and that you are sorry, but don’t expect them to take it. They will probably take this as validation that you are the only one in the wrong. They may even tell you ‘I didn’t do anything wrong’. That’s ok. Don’t try and convince them, save your breath. If they are younger or inexperienced excuse them in your mind.

Step 6. Forgive them as best you can for their failings.

Step 7. And finally, forgive yourself. Know that by recognising and addressing your failures, these do not define you. You are more than your faults. And you are a stronger and bigger person for knowing that.

Step 8. Love yourself anyway.